Wake Up Call!

Well it has been a few years since I updated this blog.  The very first posts I ever made had to do with the journey I was taking with my weight loss.  At the time I was living in Tennessee in an apartment that had a gym and a pool and for the first time in my life I had resources to help in my weight loss.  Along with that I had cut a majority of the sugar from my diet, and I was doing and feeling much better.  However, after we decided to move back to Texas (home), I allowed a lot of anxiety to get in my way, and I slowly allowed the bad things (usually sugary drinks for me) to slip back into my diet, and I made less time for exercising.  I had delete my posts on my weight journey because I was avoiding how discouraged I was that I was gaining my weight back!   After we got back to Texas our jobs didn't start as soon as they were suppose to and our finances tanked!  Then a few months later I got a what I thought was a "great job".   I had an hour commute to work and an hour home.  It was great because after 6 months of employment we were to get a free gym membership behind our work facility.  During this time my prayer life definitely improved having that time in the commute, plus I left several hours early so I would avoid rush get there faster and then prepare myself for the day and eventually the gym membership.  When I got there it would be dark and I would walk around the facilities many times to get my exercise.  The job was in marketing and I was on the phone all day long, with automated calls, so I was talking non stop.  This was good also because I didn't have time to put food or drink in my mouth.  I was packing healthy lunches and not eating out, so in a matter of weeks I was down lower than I got while I was in TN.  My lowest weight was 275.  It had only been a few days that I got to stay below 280,  280 has been my brick wall for years. At my heaviest I was 350 when I first got to Tennessee.  Well the 275 mark didn't last long.  Just before my 34th birthday my mom had 2 heart attacks.  I took a day off for here heart cath, and sales at my job suffered by missing one day.  I realized at that point that the stress of high demand sales would be demanding on my body and the commute was killing me.   I made a hard choice that week to quit the job to find something closer to home.   The recovery from her heart attacks were slow and for a while we had little income coming to our home, and it was a crisis point in my life.  I questioned myself nearly everyday if I had made the right choices about leaving the job, but it was then during that time that I had to put total faith once again in God's wisdom.  The groceries got tight and our fridge and freezer stayed fairly empty for months.  The time reminded me of another rough season in my life back in 2006, which I never wanted to repeat. When the work hours picked back up for my mom and we started filling up the fridge, I started eating again!  There is something in our nature that if we feel we are lacking, we tend to store or want more!  You see this a lot in those who lived through the depression, who are so resourceful and hold on to everything.  It's something good in the human nature that God has given us, but there is another side of it that is lacking in faith and turns towards hoarding and obsessing.  During that time, I started my website and focusing on the vision of the non-profit God had put on my heart many years ago.  Well the year went by and the hospital started calling the nurses off again and hours would come and go and our dieting was like a yo-yo.  By that August (2012) I had my gut full and I had been following the Biggest Loser Casting here in Dallas.  I finally got my act together and reached out because I knew I needed help.  I had an addiction, I was lacking in wisdom, and I didn't know how the utilize the resources I had access to.  The experience was amazing, and I felt good when I left, believing I might get a returned call!  Long story short I did not, but I didn't give up hope!  I was still working on my non-profit, knew where I wanted to go.  I just had to regroup and get my focus.  I pushed myself in many areas, and finally even wrote the book I had on my heart since 2005.  It's called "Cold Winter" and is available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and most book retailers.  My mom was still getting called off, and the checks were barely covering our basic needs.  I was feeling so guilty as a man not to be able to help my family by getting a job.  By this time my health was out of control.  I forgot to add in here that I had been having trouble with two fillings in my teeth falling out, and shortly after I had broken off two teeth.  I have always had taken good care of my teeth, but because I couldn't afford dental care and get the preventative care I needed I had to live with broken teeth and finally was able to get them pulled later.  I have since had another broken which is still broken.  So I found the bottom of the bottom.  But then in October (when I got my legal paperwork for the non-profit started and got my book published) my brother started having some emotional trouble.  At first we thought it was major depression or anger management issues.  Then as the weeks progressed he ended up in a mental hospital, after that experience things got worse.  My mom and I could not sleep, he became a danger to himself and to us.  He was saying things that didn't make since, and more things were happening that I can post here, for his privacy.  Needless to say, I lost a lot of faith in our medical field and especially the mental health industry.  The meds they were using were making the delusions worse.  We went months without sleep, many ER & hospital visits.  There was even a short time I was afraid he would be permanantely institutionalized.  By March we all were EXHAUSTED!  We tried another mental health hospital and he was in ICU for over a week.  It didn't seem to work at first, and then he continued on in an outpatient rehab 5 days a week.  The process took a toll on us.  Within a few weeks, the facility informed us that the insurances was going to quit paying for the program.  We were forced out of the program (that was now helping). If you've never been around an Alzheimer patient or someone with psychosis, you'll never understand the heartache of watching someone lose touch with reality!  I had a wake up call then... with my mom's health problems and now my brother deteriorating who was going to help them if I didn't take control of my health.  The day after he was discharged was the Biggest Loser 15 auditions.  How could I dare leave my family in this state to go to California if I was chosen?  Well I had settled with the fact I would have to do it without auditioning and get healthy.  My brother was doing better and BEGGED me to go to the casting for him!  I didn't sleep the night before, I certainly wasn't prepared like I was before (videos, pics, etc).  The morning of I was making excuses not to go, I didn't have pictures I needed to submit because they were packed away still from moving from TN.  Low and behold I open the closet door lift a box and a childhood picture and more recent photo fell out!  Exactly what I needed.  It was almost eerie!  But I've trusted God long enough to know He was leading.  Plus my brother kept pushing me!  If I was pushing him toward getting healthy mentally, I felt I had the responsibility to allow him to push me!   When I left the house I was still questioning myself!  When I got there they charged to park (they didn't last year).  I nearly turned around right then because I knew I didn't have cash on me.  Then the guy told me go inside and use the ATM. Normally between payday there wouldn't be $20.  But my family I had plan to go to mother's day dinner that night.  We hadn't been able to get our mom a mother's day gift this year, and I was already feeling guilty. I decided I had come so far and already "wasted the gas".  I took the $20 out.  It had delayed me getting in line and the line was already longer this year.  But I had no idea that all of that was God leading me to the answers of my prayers.  I met some amazing people ("blessings" as I've called those kind of people in my previous posts).  In the conversation a bond was growing.  The bond soon turned into a support system, and by the ending of our interview we all carpooled together to have dinner. Thankfully by getting  the $20 out I had enough to allow myself to go with everyone!  I couldn't believe I was going out with complete strangers! During the dinner we shared our desires to stay connected and start a support group.  When I got home I still had the guilt feelings because my family had to sacrifice that dinner out that night, but they were graceful about it!   I learned that day, some healthy choices will require painful sacrifices, and sometimes we will feel we disappoint others, and are selfish.  But that night I created a facebook group for the six of us, then before you know it, other people in line started joining, and some of them have added others.  On June 1st, this support group and I starting our weigh-in and we are going to do this weight loss journey together!  I have already started changing eating habits and exercising more. So my blog will blossom into something new in the upcoming months as I try new things, focus in on my hobbies, and gain new vision for my life!  I am praying for a change in myself, my family, and those in the support group!  We Can Do This!!!