Well I've already started the journey of major changes! I've been taking the organic apple cider vinegar everyday for about two weeks now and noticing major differences in how I feel. I also believe that the magnesium that I have been taking for about the same amount of time, has cut down the leg cramps I had been having for weeks. As for the sleeping problem, I have now tried both the Melatonin and the Valerian Root. The first night I started with the Valerian Root, and a few hours later I found that I felt relaxed, but not yet sleepy. So, I went ahead and took a Melatonin. Within an hour of that I was knocked completely out. It was probably the best nights rest that I had in months. However, I felt it was too deep of a sleep and I felt a little sleepy the next morning. So the next night I tried just the Melatonin, I never did sleep that night and I felt kind of jittery after a few hours of it in my system. Then I tried the third night with just the Valerian Root, and I was completely surprised how well I slept. I think what probably happened the first night was that I hadn't given the Valerian Root enough time to kick in. I have missed a few days in between, but hoping to get myself into a place of balanced sleeping patterns, to help in the weight loss and overall health.
I also have noticed breakfast is still my biggest struggle. I have forced myself to get up in the past week and force myself to eat within the first hour. I notice that I am eating breakfast, my body now wants it, I just have a hard time pushing myself to prepare something or to figure out what I'm hungry for. I still haven't got the hang of finding the balance with the breakfast. The easy thing for me usually is a yogurt, which since I've been using MyFitnessPal, is making me realize that this might not be the best choice for the morning. For one, when I work out, it sometimes doesn't seem to be enough or seems to give me lactose issues after a workout. But most importantly I noticed how much sugar is in the yogurt and how it seems to set me off with the other foods I chose the rest of the day. A lot of natural raw fruits and vegtables have sugar in them and by the end of the day of MFP, I am either extremely high in my sodium intake or slightly over in my sugar. So I am still trying to find the balance for my meals. Learning about calorie intake has been a learning experience for me. I had no idea what I had been putting into my body all of these years. When I see foods that are naturally lower in calories and others that are high...I am realizing that I didn't know the differences before. This is helping me to make wiser decisions, but at the same time making me look for healthier options at each meal, and making sure that I am satisfied throughout the day. Because of working to get breakfast in, sometimes I obsess with my morning foods and worry about throwing my calorie count off. I am wondering now if maybe this is part of why I was always afraid of breakfast. When you eat breakfast you get hungrier sooner and you fear that you will gorge for the entire day. Again, finding the balance is key. But most importantly I will be glad when I have enough wisdom an education, that the breakfast choices will just become natural to me, and that the line between breakfast, snack, and lunch are more refined and I don't fear of gorging myself. Memorial day has probably been my biggest struggle day in trying to "figure it out". I think part of that was because of my soreness and lack of drive to want to exercise. But once I got to moving, I did feel a little better, but still struggled until about 6 pm when I became content with my eating, and didn't want to touch food again the rest of the night!
One thing that really has made me realize that I am about to go into uncharted territory in my life, is because more than ever, I am starting to think about reaching my goal, and what my body will start to look like as the weight comes off. I watched an episode of the Doctors with Danny Cahill from Biggest Loser, talking about his loose skin after the weight loss and the transformation surgery to tighten it. A bit of sadness hit me knowing that I will fully realize the damage I have done to my body when the weight comes off and I see the distorted flab of skin hanging. Not the prettiest picture to think about. Also, I mentioned this to my support group, and how concerned I was about having loose skin and even though I will be wearing smaller clothes, that unattractiveness of sagging skin in those clothes and how your self esteem and body image is. One of the girls in the group just reminded me that why would I be worried about my body in my clothes with loose skin any more than my body now. This really made me think. I was afraid of a deformed body, but actually my body is distorted and deformed now, and I am unhealthy. When I lose the weight I will be much healthier, my energy levels will be up, my skin can still change and regrow, and it will be a testimony that I accomplished a goal. Besides, if I'm healthier and thinner, I will be able to work more and hopefully have insurance that I can start getting help with the rest of the journey. My prayer is that I won't require major surgeries and that my body will recover and heal in time and that I will look and feel like I never have in my life! Today I had to battle the head games an refuse to eat out of boredom, fear, anxiety, or pain! Last week in working out I heard an 80's song that had a phrase in it that has stuck in my head, and is the "voice" that reminds me to keep moving forward, especially on the days I dread, fear, or long for the weight to come off. And this will stay my motto to myself and others. To "keep moving"! May a year from now, the momentum from this year, still be with me!
Ain't Nothing Gonna Hold Me Down
by Men At Work
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving!
*This is just the chorus that got my attention and keeps me moving!
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