Moving Forward!

This week has been so much better than last week. Last week was painful emotionally, and I first thought picking back up on my exercise would be painful physically. However, that was not the case! For the first time since I started this journey in May, I had no pain while walking! I've been able to walk 5 miles without any trouble! The only reason I cut some of those walks "short" was because I had appointments and other places to be! First I want to thank my support group that I met last month, they have made such a positive difference in my life! I would love to share each of their names here, but I'm keeping their names private for now, since this is a journey we are working on together! I don't know where I would be without them! Secondly, I would like to thank Katrina & Pete Kepf for helping me on the second part of this journey which I will share a little later! Also so many others Courtney Bigelow, Tia Champagne, Richard Neal, Ruby Gettinger, and so many others! Every time I think about giving up, I've thought of the results and obstacles you all have overcome and starting to reach your goals! You all are heroes in my books! To push your body at it's weakest, to push through all of the mental barriers, and to push through criticism...that's amazing!

This past week I have stayed with the product many of these people have been using and shared with me, Shakeology and the Beach Body Challenge! I feel so much better, and I know it's making a difference! Today I am starting my three day cleanse so I will update you on the progress. Before I started Shakeology I was already losing weight, from May 1st to June 15th, I am down 31lbs. My first goal is to be near 280 by the end of July. Why? Well shortly after I started this journey I won tickets to the Awaken Now Conference from Life Today Ministries. The reason I want to be at this weight is because I have always had trouble getting below 280, plus I can get a new smaller outfit for that conference. Plus this will put me at my "brick wall weigh" by mid-summer, and with the momentum I've gained I should break through that barrier before summer is over, and be way into uncharted territory by the time the beautiful Fall weather begins! Say a prayer for me, I'm praying every step of the way! I've had a lot of negative people in my past and I had allowed those words and actions carry on with me...but no longer. I am reaching to achieve the life God has for me, and no other! I thank my mom and brother for taking this health journey with me. If we weren't buying the healthy foods and committing to it as a family, I wouldn't be able to be making the progress I am! Keep checking back on my posts, I will be adding more pictures, tips, and frustrations, and most importantly what works! I'm so committed to change, that I have decided to also become a Beach Body Coach. If you are not in shape OR you need to lose weight, I can give you some advice and help you find a program that will meet your needs! If you are interested, please e-mail me at chrisadmire@hotmail.com If you are not sure, just keep following my progress! I will never recommend something that I don't believe or know that works! Also be sure to watch this youtube video of my friend Richard Neal's Transformation!  Hopefully soon, I too will have my full story to share with you all!  Love you guys!

Pressing Through Pain and Discouragement!

Well my support group and I all officially weighed in on June 8th for our first weight loss weigh in. I was down eight pounds, coming in at 321 pounds. I had lost 28 lbs since the first of May up to that point. However, in the middle of our first weigh-in and our first weight loss weigh-in a tragedy came into my life, that I could have never imagine happening. On Tuesday June 4th I picked my mom up from work as usual, however instead of going for my morning routine walk, I came home and took a quick nap. I had been having trouble sleeping, and thought a little more rest in the morning would help me get back on track. When I woke up, I turned on the early evening news, and saw that a local woman had been abducted and was missing. My heart sank, because when they showed a model of the car, something about it struck a cord with me. Then I logged onto facebook and noticed someone from church mentioning an injustice and the need to pray. I knew something wasn't right and I turned the news again, to hear that the women had been killed. Then I text someone from church, and my greatest fear had been validated. My dear sweet friend Leona Swafford had been abducted and then murdered. The details that came out were horrific. I am close to four generations of the family and my heart was so overwhelmed. She is the last person I had visited with that Sunday and Wednesday before. I had just helped her with an an on her iPhone, I couldn't imagine the pain her kids were facing. Lee was one of those people you just fall in love with as soon as you meet! I love her and her family so much!

[Lee is on the right of me] Lee, her daughter, and I had the wonderful privilege back in January to be on the Glenn Beck show as he revealed his knew plans for his network and all that he was doing here in Texas. It was a highlight moment in my life. Now I was sitting trying to wrap my mind around it all. Life is so fragile, and I'm thankful for the time with her, but in another sense I felt so cheated, to have my time with her cut short. The killer remains on the lose, and we have had several more unrelated murders in the area.

During this time, my mind couldn't focus on working out. Though I wanted to channel my anger towards this murder into working out, I just couldn't. The funeral had to be prolonged because of the investigation, and so I prolonged my workouts. I stayed within my calorie intake during that time, but I didn't eat the best choices and didn't do well tracking them. I feared I would lose my vision, my heart was broken. However, after the funeral, I decided to push through and pick back up on my journey. Lee had never quit living, she lived life up to the end, and she wouldn't want any of us cowering in fear, I decided I had to move forward, and that's what I did. It wasn't easy, and I walk everywhere with my eyes wide open, looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. Not in fear of my life, my fear in my family having to suffer as Lee's family had. "The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy! I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." -John 10:10. Lee lived life, and I will too, it's one of the many promises we have from God! What can man do to me? As the song goes, he can only "Threaten me with heaven!" When I got back to walking, the school near me where I walk the track, started doing some renovations and the track has been blocked. I was discouraged at first, because I hadn't worried about spending money or wasting gas to go work out. So it pushed me to look for an alternative. I drove around the corner to a park, and found an even better walking trail. At first I didn't like having all the extra people walking, but there I have one lap that equals a mile rather than four times around an oval track. So a couple times around I can get several miles in! This helps break up the monotony! So I am back on my journey, feeling great, and I am determined to never let any form of pain or discouragement to keep me from living the life God has given me! Today is the 3rd weigh-in (second weight loss weigh-in). I am only down 3 pounds, but considering how much I had slowed down on my routine the week before, I am doing great. I now weigh 309 pounds. I have officially lost 31 pounds since the first of May! I realize now how much my weight struggles are directly related to how I've coped with trials and problems in my past (stress eating & comfort eating). When I walk now, I spend my time praying for Lee's family and friends, and that God will lead this man to surrender or will lead authorities to him. Nothing is hidden from God, and I know God is capable of comforting this family as well as working on this man at the same time! I entrust these things into His care, as well as my weight loss journey. I know this is the time, I leave my pain and problems in the past and find the life God has always desired for me to have! Nothings going to hold me down, I've got to keep on moving!

Uncharted Territory

Well I've already started the journey of major changes!  I've been taking the organic apple cider vinegar everyday for about two weeks now and noticing major differences in how I feel.  I also believe that the magnesium that I have been taking for about the same amount of time, has cut down the leg cramps I had been having for weeks.  As for the sleeping problem, I have now tried both the Melatonin and the Valerian Root.  The first night I started with the Valerian Root, and a few hours later I found that I felt relaxed, but not yet sleepy.  So, I went ahead and took a Melatonin.  Within an hour of that I was knocked completely out.  It was probably the best nights rest that I had in months.  However, I felt it was too deep of a sleep and I felt a little sleepy the next morning.  So the next night I tried just the Melatonin, I never did sleep that night and I felt kind of jittery after a few hours of it in my system.  Then I tried the third night with just the Valerian Root, and I was completely surprised how well I slept.   I think what probably happened the first night was that I hadn't given the Valerian Root enough time to kick in.  I have missed a few days in between, but hoping to get myself into a place of balanced sleeping patterns, to help in the weight loss and overall health.

I also have noticed breakfast is still my biggest struggle. I have forced myself to get up in the past week and force myself to eat within the first hour.  I notice that I am eating breakfast, my body now wants it, I just have a hard time pushing myself to prepare something or to figure out what I'm hungry for.  I still haven't got the hang of finding the balance with the breakfast.  The easy thing for me usually is a yogurt, which since I've been using MyFitnessPal, is making me realize that this might not be the best choice for the morning.  For one, when I work out, it sometimes doesn't seem to be enough or seems to give me lactose issues after a workout.  But most importantly I noticed how much sugar is in the yogurt and how it seems to set me off with the other foods I chose the rest of the day.  A lot of natural raw fruits and vegtables have sugar in them and by the end of the day of MFP, I am either extremely high in my sodium intake or slightly over in my sugar.  So I am still trying to find the balance for my meals.  Learning about calorie intake has been a learning experience for me.  I had no idea what I had been putting into my body all of these years.  When I see foods that are naturally lower in calories and others that are high...I am realizing that I didn't know the differences before.  This is helping me to make wiser decisions, but at the same time making me look for healthier options at each meal, and making sure that I am satisfied throughout the day.  Because of working to get breakfast in, sometimes I obsess with my morning foods and worry about throwing my calorie count off.  I am wondering now if maybe this is part of why I was always afraid of breakfast.  When you eat breakfast you get hungrier sooner and you fear that you will gorge for the entire day.  Again, finding the balance is key.  But most importantly I will be glad when I have enough wisdom an education, that the breakfast choices will just become natural to me, and that the line between breakfast, snack, and lunch are more refined and I don't fear of  gorging myself.  Memorial day has probably been my biggest struggle day in trying to "figure it out".  I think part of that was because of my soreness and lack of drive to want to exercise.  But once I got to moving, I did feel a little better, but still struggled until about 6 pm  when I became content with my eating, and didn't want to touch food again the rest of the night!


One thing that really has made me realize that I am about to go into uncharted territory in my life, is because more than ever, I am starting to think about reaching my goal, and what my body will start to look like as the weight comes off.  I watched an episode of the Doctors with Danny Cahill from Biggest Loser, talking about his loose skin after the weight loss and the transformation surgery to tighten it.   A bit of sadness hit me knowing that I will fully realize the damage I have done to my body when the weight comes off and I see the distorted flab of skin hanging.  Not the prettiest picture to think about.   Also, I mentioned this to my support group, and how concerned I was about having loose skin and even though I will be wearing smaller clothes, that unattractiveness of sagging skin in those clothes and how your self esteem and body image is.   One of the girls in the group just reminded me that why would I be worried about my body in my clothes with loose skin any more than my body now.  This really made me think.  I was afraid of a deformed body, but actually my body is distorted and deformed now, and I am unhealthy.  When I lose the weight I will be much healthier, my energy levels will be up, my skin can still change and regrow, and it will be a testimony that I accomplished a goal.  Besides, if I'm healthier and thinner, I will be able to work more and hopefully have insurance that I can start getting help with the rest of the journey.  My prayer is that I won't require major surgeries and that my body will recover and heal in time and that I will look and feel like I never have in my life!  Today I had to battle the head games an refuse to eat out of boredom, fear, anxiety, or pain!  Last week in working out I heard an 80's song that had a phrase in it that has stuck in my head, and is the "voice" that reminds me to keep moving forward, especially on the days I dread, fear, or long for the weight to come off.  And this will stay my motto to myself and others.  To "keep moving"!  May a year from now, the momentum from this year, still be with me!

Ain't Nothing Gonna Hold Me Down
by Men At Work

Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving!

*This is just the chorus that got my attention and keeps me moving!

I Won the Race, But Lost the Battle

So in  a previous post I told you about how well I had done in the past and how far I had fallen.  Well part of that failure was not equipping myself with enough information about dieting.  I don't know if it started in college or when, but somewhere along the line, I have learned to eat quickly.  The problem with eating quickly is that you don't give your stomach enough time to register that you are full.  If you are hungry and you aren't feeling full and you are downing food, it's a no brainer that you are going to eat WAY too much food in a short amount of time.  My family has been pointing it out forever, because when I'm done eating, I immediately want to leave the table because I'm afraid I will eat more.  But I've come to understand if there was a race to get the food down, I won!  But when it came to the Battle of the Bulge I've lost!   Matter of fact, the heavier you get, you begin to retreat like you would in a real life battle.  I've been in retreat mode for a while, too exhausted to get back in the fight.  But this past few weeks, I'm back in the game!  However, this time I'm equipping myself with five things determination, knowledge, a support group, exercise, and  healthier foods!  I had done some research about my age, weight, and height and how many calories I should be in-taking.  The number was 2,000 calories per day, and felt a bit high to me!  However, after talking to someone in our support group who has equipped herself with a lot of resources and the process of moving forward in her weightloss journey was able to confirm that 1,800-2,000 calories was in fact the correct regiment of daily calories for me to lose weight (in addition to my daily exercise and workout routine).  Friday is our day to shop as a family, and I'm looking at all the healthy options I have to stay within my calories to obtain my goal weight of 175-180 lbs.   It will be a little experimental at first, trying to get use to making sure I am eating 3-5 times a day, and making good caloric choices.  When I can get my diet and exercise routine down, I am hoping I will be back to work, and able to make more investments in my health, shoes, and all that I need for my waist to continually decrease!  I am excited, nervous, but determined! 

I am also looking into stretches and warm-up techniques that will help me with the muscle soreness and the severe pain I have had the past two days! Also, several of us in the support group have committed to use My Fitness Pal, a free app, to track our calories and exercise.  I am still using the walking app, and will do better when  I get better with using MFP, today I started adding my calorie intake since I have committed to the calorie regiment.   Today's foods are not the best, but what we have in the house until payday.  What I have done is what could have been one meal to me a few weeks ago, I have spread it out throughout the day to be ALL of my meals.  For instance, this morning I had toast, this afternoon a baked potato with no butter and about 2 teaspoons of shredded cheese, and for dinner tonight I am having baked chicken and probably some sort of vegetable or side.  I will have to add some sort of snack in there, and will look into my options.  At least today and tomorrow will help me get prepared to entering my intake calories into the app.  I am still struggling to sleep at night, so I am still checking into the remedies I mentioned a few posts ago!  I hope everyone is having a wonderful week!  Please continue to pray for those in Oklahoma and here in Texas that are suffering from the Tornadoes. A relative of mine took a direct hit, but their spirits have been high!   My heart is really with those who've lost loved ones, pets, and homes! 

The Changes

  There are many things I am doing in getting my body healthier, first and foremost...I'm moving!  I am challenging myself to press through pain and health issues to get to an ideal weight of 175-180 lbs.  I am currently 330 lbs and I am 5'9" and my current BMI is 48.7.  I am not setting time goals for the weight.  This is a life change, so I am going to work the process as long as I need to, to get to my goal.  And of course, even then I will have to keep a plan in motion to stay at my goal long-term.  But right now I am educating myself in fitness, nutrition, and the psychological process.  While I'm doing that I am moving, cutting calories, incorporating new foods and vitamins and minerals.  I am also cutting old habits and cutting back on what and when I eat.   Since I am not working a paid position at this time I am utilizing the track at the school near my house and walking and running.  I am hoping to be able to get a gym membership later, and also to get access to be able to swim.  This first week on the journey I've noticed  lot of pain in my right foot (like a spur pain) and in my left leg above the ankle, which I am sure is the muscles that are being stretched from walking.  I am taking an adult multivitamin, using Bragg's Organic Apple Cider vinegar, and taking 500 mg magnesium every morning!  I have cut out pain sugar from my drinks, and I'm drinking ton of water!

I am using the Accupedo app on my android phone to keep up with my progress of walking.  Although there are times I've gone walking and left the phone at the house or forgotten to turn the app on.  That is usually spur of the moment walks, or days I've gone to Wal-mart or the mall or somewhere indoors.  So far I am really enjoying the walking more than I ever have!  This will help me be prepared to be back on the treadmill full force like I was in Tennessee.  I notice that I'm pushing myself in my workouts and pressing through my goals more than I have before, but I have also been very sensitive to what my body is telling me.  For instance, I am still struggling to get to sleep at night, and still not getting the right amount of sleep each night.  I have been using Tazo tea to help relax me.  So far my favorite are Zen & Chai teas, but I'm going to keep looking at some other options in this area. 

Friends and family have also recommended that I check into getting some Melatonin or Valerian root to help me to sleep at night.  Since my body is desperately needing sleep, and that is essential in my weight loss, I will check into both of these in the next few weeks and see if that helps!  I've also updated my resume and submitted them to many places. In the meantime I am hoping I can lose 2-4 inches before I get back to work (unless one of those jobs opens up right away).  The reason for this being, I have some dress clothes in those sizes that I could use temporarily for interviews and work.  Otherwise I will have to buy some unnecessary clothes for now.  Also I am in desperate need of some new walking/running shoes. 

Even before I was overweight I have always had an issue with walking on the sides of my feet.  I've done some research this week and learned that it's supination of the foot.  The shoes I currently have are completely warn on the sides and heals and a lot of the pain I'm having now is from walking to much in those shoes.  So new shoes is a necessity, but then I need to check more into the condition to see what can be done to keep from causing permanent damage to my body!  I also have a friend who is a Beachbody Coach, and she is working with me to get started with their program and the Shakeology meal replacement once I start working.  All of the changes and taking the time to research, wouldn't have been as easy or happening as quickly if it was not for the group of people I met in line at the Biggest Loser Season 15 - Dallas Auditions.  They and those who have joined us are a wonderful support group, I couldn't do it without them!  We have our first official weigh-in on June 1st to start the journey and then we will weigh in every Saturday to see our results and to keep pushing ourselves and one another.  This is our grocery shopping week here at the house, and the family and I are hoping to make the right decisions in buying the right foods and products to make this lifestyle change.  I am hoping to be able to buy more and more organic foods and to grow more of my own foods and herbs! 

Wake Up Call!

Well it has been a few years since I updated this blog.  The very first posts I ever made had to do with the journey I was taking with my weight loss.  At the time I was living in Tennessee in an apartment that had a gym and a pool and for the first time in my life I had resources to help in my weight loss.  Along with that I had cut a majority of the sugar from my diet, and I was doing and feeling much better.  However, after we decided to move back to Texas (home), I allowed a lot of anxiety to get in my way, and I slowly allowed the bad things (usually sugary drinks for me) to slip back into my diet, and I made less time for exercising.  I had delete my posts on my weight journey because I was avoiding how discouraged I was that I was gaining my weight back!   After we got back to Texas our jobs didn't start as soon as they were suppose to and our finances tanked!  Then a few months later I got a what I thought was a "great job".   I had an hour commute to work and an hour home.  It was great because after 6 months of employment we were to get a free gym membership behind our work facility.  During this time my prayer life definitely improved having that time in the commute, plus I left several hours early so I would avoid rush get there faster and then prepare myself for the day and eventually the gym membership.  When I got there it would be dark and I would walk around the facilities many times to get my exercise.  The job was in marketing and I was on the phone all day long, with automated calls, so I was talking non stop.  This was good also because I didn't have time to put food or drink in my mouth.  I was packing healthy lunches and not eating out, so in a matter of weeks I was down lower than I got while I was in TN.  My lowest weight was 275.  It had only been a few days that I got to stay below 280,  280 has been my brick wall for years. At my heaviest I was 350 when I first got to Tennessee.  Well the 275 mark didn't last long.  Just before my 34th birthday my mom had 2 heart attacks.  I took a day off for here heart cath, and sales at my job suffered by missing one day.  I realized at that point that the stress of high demand sales would be demanding on my body and the commute was killing me.   I made a hard choice that week to quit the job to find something closer to home.   The recovery from her heart attacks were slow and for a while we had little income coming to our home, and it was a crisis point in my life.  I questioned myself nearly everyday if I had made the right choices about leaving the job, but it was then during that time that I had to put total faith once again in God's wisdom.  The groceries got tight and our fridge and freezer stayed fairly empty for months.  The time reminded me of another rough season in my life back in 2006, which I never wanted to repeat. When the work hours picked back up for my mom and we started filling up the fridge, I started eating again!  There is something in our nature that if we feel we are lacking, we tend to store or want more!  You see this a lot in those who lived through the depression, who are so resourceful and hold on to everything.  It's something good in the human nature that God has given us, but there is another side of it that is lacking in faith and turns towards hoarding and obsessing.  During that time, I started my website and focusing on the vision of the non-profit God had put on my heart many years ago.  Well the year went by and the hospital started calling the nurses off again and hours would come and go and our dieting was like a yo-yo.  By that August (2012) I had my gut full and I had been following the Biggest Loser Casting here in Dallas.  I finally got my act together and reached out because I knew I needed help.  I had an addiction, I was lacking in wisdom, and I didn't know how the utilize the resources I had access to.  The experience was amazing, and I felt good when I left, believing I might get a returned call!  Long story short I did not, but I didn't give up hope!  I was still working on my non-profit, knew where I wanted to go.  I just had to regroup and get my focus.  I pushed myself in many areas, and finally even wrote the book I had on my heart since 2005.  It's called "Cold Winter" and is available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and most book retailers.  My mom was still getting called off, and the checks were barely covering our basic needs.  I was feeling so guilty as a man not to be able to help my family by getting a job.  By this time my health was out of control.  I forgot to add in here that I had been having trouble with two fillings in my teeth falling out, and shortly after I had broken off two teeth.  I have always had taken good care of my teeth, but because I couldn't afford dental care and get the preventative care I needed I had to live with broken teeth and finally was able to get them pulled later.  I have since had another broken which is still broken.  So I found the bottom of the bottom.  But then in October (when I got my legal paperwork for the non-profit started and got my book published) my brother started having some emotional trouble.  At first we thought it was major depression or anger management issues.  Then as the weeks progressed he ended up in a mental hospital, after that experience things got worse.  My mom and I could not sleep, he became a danger to himself and to us.  He was saying things that didn't make since, and more things were happening that I can post here, for his privacy.  Needless to say, I lost a lot of faith in our medical field and especially the mental health industry.  The meds they were using were making the delusions worse.  We went months without sleep, many ER & hospital visits.  There was even a short time I was afraid he would be permanantely institutionalized.  By March we all were EXHAUSTED!  We tried another mental health hospital and he was in ICU for over a week.  It didn't seem to work at first, and then he continued on in an outpatient rehab 5 days a week.  The process took a toll on us.  Within a few weeks, the facility informed us that the insurances was going to quit paying for the program.  We were forced out of the program (that was now helping). If you've never been around an Alzheimer patient or someone with psychosis, you'll never understand the heartache of watching someone lose touch with reality!  I had a wake up call then... with my mom's health problems and now my brother deteriorating who was going to help them if I didn't take control of my health.  The day after he was discharged was the Biggest Loser 15 auditions.  How could I dare leave my family in this state to go to California if I was chosen?  Well I had settled with the fact I would have to do it without auditioning and get healthy.  My brother was doing better and BEGGED me to go to the casting for him!  I didn't sleep the night before, I certainly wasn't prepared like I was before (videos, pics, etc).  The morning of I was making excuses not to go, I didn't have pictures I needed to submit because they were packed away still from moving from TN.  Low and behold I open the closet door lift a box and a childhood picture and more recent photo fell out!  Exactly what I needed.  It was almost eerie!  But I've trusted God long enough to know He was leading.  Plus my brother kept pushing me!  If I was pushing him toward getting healthy mentally, I felt I had the responsibility to allow him to push me!   When I left the house I was still questioning myself!  When I got there they charged to park (they didn't last year).  I nearly turned around right then because I knew I didn't have cash on me.  Then the guy told me go inside and use the ATM. Normally between payday there wouldn't be $20.  But my family I had plan to go to mother's day dinner that night.  We hadn't been able to get our mom a mother's day gift this year, and I was already feeling guilty. I decided I had come so far and already "wasted the gas".  I took the $20 out.  It had delayed me getting in line and the line was already longer this year.  But I had no idea that all of that was God leading me to the answers of my prayers.  I met some amazing people ("blessings" as I've called those kind of people in my previous posts).  In the conversation a bond was growing.  The bond soon turned into a support system, and by the ending of our interview we all carpooled together to have dinner. Thankfully by getting  the $20 out I had enough to allow myself to go with everyone!  I couldn't believe I was going out with complete strangers! During the dinner we shared our desires to stay connected and start a support group.  When I got home I still had the guilt feelings because my family had to sacrifice that dinner out that night, but they were graceful about it!   I learned that day, some healthy choices will require painful sacrifices, and sometimes we will feel we disappoint others, and are selfish.  But that night I created a facebook group for the six of us, then before you know it, other people in line started joining, and some of them have added others.  On June 1st, this support group and I starting our weigh-in and we are going to do this weight loss journey together!  I have already started changing eating habits and exercising more. So my blog will blossom into something new in the upcoming months as I try new things, focus in on my hobbies, and gain new vision for my life!  I am praying for a change in myself, my family, and those in the support group!  We Can Do This!!!